Getting The License
by Lorrean
Summary: Mabel wants to get a driver's license and Grunkle Stan reluctantly agrees to help her out by teaching her how to drive. Beware, citizens of Gravity Falls. BEWARE.


**A/N: Prepare for some serious, nonsensical wisecrack.**

 **Do note that in this fic, the twins happen to be in their twenties.**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gravity Falls.**

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"You want _what_?" Stan stared at her niece with eyes wide as sausage pans.

"You heard me, Grunkle Stan. I want to get a driver's license," Mabel said. She had come and asked for audience, and since Grunkle Stan didn't have anything better to do for the moment, he'd let her in. What she wanted, however, took him completely by surprise.

"But why? You know how to drive a golf cart, why would you want your own license?"

"Oh, please! Golf cart? That's not even close in driving an actual vehicle! And why not? Everyone else my age's got one! Including my brother! _My brother!_ I cannot lose to him!" Mabel whined.

"I don't think everyone that is… um… how old are you, again?"

The lady in a bright pink sweater sighed. "Twenty-one, Stan."

"Oh yes, of course. Twenty-one. I don't think all twenty-one year olds have their own license."

"Oh yeah? Say one that hasn't!"

Grunkle Stan thought. And thought. And thought. At least, he turned sour. "Well, how should I know? My memory is not what it used to be. You have a right to memory gaps at my age… whatever my age is. I can't remember it."

 _Geez,_ Mabel thought. _He doesn't even remember his own age, let alone mine._

She decided on a different approach and brought up her secret weapon – the Puppy Dog Eyes. " _Please_?"

The old man grimaced. "Mabel…"

"Please, great uncle Stan? Please pretty please with sugar on top? _Please_?"

"Oh, all right then!" he groaned.

"Thanks, Grunkle Stan! You're the best!"

"So, what car would you like to use?" The two were standing in the makeshift garage Soos built months ago at the back of the Mystery Shack. There were a variety of unused (or stolen) limousines, convertibles and vans stuffed with weapons everywhere. Where the weapons come from, Mabel does not want to know.

Mabel couldn't decide, there was so much to choose from. "I don't know, Grunkle Stan. Which one's your favourite?"

"My favourite? I don't think that matters, after all, you'll be the one driving."

"But you're coming with me, aren't you?"

Grunkle Stan made a little jump. "Coming with you?"

"Yes, I need _someone_ to teach me, right?"

"I was kind of going to pay a professional for that."

"What!? And here I thought you're a cheapstake!"

"Of course, I am! That's why I'm bringing in Soos! It's just that, you might get a little too intense in driving…"

"Oh, please! You tried to teach a bear how to drive years ago, remember? How hard is it to be able to teach your niece? C'mon Grunkle Stan!? Pleeee–"

"Okay, okay I'll join you! Geez!"

A couple of minutes later, Grunkle Stan found himself in his red convertible together with niece Mabel. "Okay. So what is the first thing you do before you start driving?"

Mabel studied the instrument board in front of her. "Oh, yes of course. You start the engine… with this one!" She pushed a button, which activated the windshield wiper. "Um… Or maybe not."

"Uh-huh. Turn that off and then check the – _Get of the accelerator_!"

The car crashed into the garage door with a loud _**BANG**_ **!**

Mabel scratched her head. "Sorry."

"Nah, it's fine. The paint on that garage door was starting to flake off anyways, I needed a new one. Hey Soos! Open the door."

Their personal guard, a stout man with a question mark t-shirt opened the newly dented garage door by simply ripping it off and throwing it to the side. "There you go, Mr. Pines. Good luck with the driving test, hambone!"

"I will ace this, Soos! That's a promise!"

"Thank you." Grunkle Stan was now regretting with a passion his decision to _help_ his niece. "Now, Mabel, check the rear view mirror before we enter the traffic. Pull out carefullyand _Look both ways_! _Mind those bikers_!"

"Whoa, people in this town drive like crazy! No offense to you, Grunkle Stan. Offense to them! Can't you sue, uncle?"

"I will, of course! Maybe tomorrow. Take it easy, okay? In the traffic, you have to – red light! _Watch out for those pedestrians_!"

"Red light? I think that was the police! Same goes for you, guys!" Mabel shouted. "Who walks in the middle of the road? Walk at the side street, you could've gotten run over! By the way, Grunkle Stan, how fast can this thing go?"

"I'd prefer it if you decided not to find out. Listen, Mabel – no, don't! Slow down! Slow down! Stay on the open road! _AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH_!"

 _ **CRASH**_ **!**

"Oops."

A shocked, terrified but furious shop assistant exited her shop – or rather what was left of it, since half of the convertible now was in it. "You. _You_. Do you have any of how much such a window costs? You've completely destroyed my shop! I'm gonna sue! I'm gonna –"

Grunkle Stan managed to drown her words (although it wasn't easy). "Ma'am, I am reallysorry about this. We certainly didn't mean to cause any damage to your property. Here's my calling card. Phone me." He handed the upset woman a small piece of carton.

"Now look what you did, Mabel!" he hissed. "You just wasted one of my fake business cards! Do you know how much it causes to make it look authentic? Cards aren't cheap, you know!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"I think it is time for us to go home now. Just be calm and – _Don't drive on the sidewalk_! Look out for the fire hydrant! Wait, why is there a fire hydrant in the middle of the forests – Slow down! 85 miles per hour is too fast! There is no room for the car in that alley! No! Oh, I take that back. After you hit those trash cans out of the way, there was room after all."

"Sorry. I hope the dents aren't too big."

Grunkle Stan closed his eyes. "No worries, Soos can fix those horrible dents. He always does." The last thing he wanted to do right now was to continue the 'driving lesson', but he couldn't stay in the alley forever. "Maybe I should take the wheel now."

"Oh please, we're as good as home. Can't I drive the last bit?"

"I –"

"That's great, Grunkle Stan!" Before his uncle could make a move, Mabel had pulled out again.

"Mabel! Mabel, be careful! Get control of the car! If you want to race, do it on a race track!"

"Sorry. By the way, that flashing red light on the car behind us, what is that?"

"I swear, you're worse than the bear driving."

A few minutes later, the rest of the Mystery Shack crew were enjoying the sunset at the water tower. Suddenly, Soos yelled. "Hey, doods! Come and take a look at this."

"What is it, Soos?"

The others came up to him and they looked down at the street.

"Wait," Wendy frowned, "isn't that Grunkle Stan?"

"And Mabel," Dipper confirmed.

"And two cops," Wendy added. "What're they doing there?"

Dipper rubbed his temples sighing, "I'm thinking Mabel was a little jealous because I got a driver's license before her. She probably insisted the heck out of Stan for him to agree to take the driver's test. Seriously, she's worse than a bear driving." He remembered one of her sister's crazed sprees while riding the golf cart around Gravity Falls. It was chaos everywhere downtown.

The red haired teenager hauled up a pair of binoculars and watched the scene below them with interest. "Hm… it seems like Grunkle Stan's being heavily fined for speeding."

"Say what?"

"Well, that's what it says on that note he got from the policeman. No less than none-hundred dollars."

"Grunkle Stan? _Speeding_?"

The others found it hard to believe.

"Wow, I can't believe Grunkle Stan's been _finally_ caught." Dipper raised an eyebrow.

And with that, the group went back enjoying the sunset.

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 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed, and leave a review.**


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